It happened again. I fell down that same familiar dark hole and there was no light in sight.
It was one of those days where the pain is so intense it sears through my heart, into my chest, down to my stomach and my body becomes numb with fear. I have been here before but this was different, I lost hope completely and it scared me.
I couldn’t distinguish the true from the false and the false became my prison cell in my mind.
It’s one of those days when I look in the mirror and I don’t even recognize myself. There is a vacancy in my eyes, they are dark, lost and filled with sadness.
It feels like an emotional rock bottom and on this particular day I am not sure if I can handle the pain. I feel tired and the weight of my incessant negative thoughts are weighing me down to a point where facing the world seems impossible.
It wasn’t until I had the courage to reach out to a loved one and tell them about the place I was in was I able to see this was not a safe place. My world had become so small, every single thought seemed real and when all your thoughts are dark, it’s not a good place to be and I needed someone to help me out of this space.
The hardest thing about depression is that it’s such an isolating disease. The further down the black hole you go, the more you want to be alone and try to fight the demons off alone and this time there was no way I was going to think my way out.
I went against what my disease told me to do, I emailed someone and let them know where my mind had taken me and they helped me get back to a better place.
When the dark consumes you and you want to go it alone, remember that there are people who love you. Reach out to them so they can remind you that the prison in your mind that you have created is all a lie and it’s only a temporary state of madness.
After the storm passes you will see that you can do it. You can beat this and after you do, the sun shines a little brighter the next day because you made it.