I finally heard it. The exact words that describe what happened to me when I was a little girl. “My spirit got broken.” When I heard someone say those words the other day, a whole new world of pain opened up for me when I realized that it was exactly it, the perfect description to […]
(A Letter I Wish I Received To Warn Me About My Depression) Dear Courtney, I know right now life seems easy and you enjoy your life, but I need to let you know that you need to prepare for a big and dark storm that is coming your way at the age of 18. Please […]
The other night when I was going to bed, I told my fiancee that I was not sure I could “do another day like today.” He quickly asked me what I meant when i said that and I had to run away because I wasn’t brave enough to say it out loud….I can’t take pain like […]
Yesterday she came to visit and as always, she was not invited. She was, as usual, ruthless and relentless with her words telling you that you will never get better and for some reason yesterday you actually believed her. She reminded you like she always does, that she hates you and has gotten to the […]
One would think after so many years of weathering the storm of depression it would become less scary to fall into the deep, dark abyss….but it’s not. When the lows last for more than a couple days, the pain becomes so debilitating and heavy you fear that it’s never going to go away. You look outside at […]
I have always been drawn to the Lotus Flower. The brightness, the clarity of it’s edges, the warmth and it’s flawless beauty, it’s always ‘spoken’ to my heart. When I first saw the quote, “No Mud, No Lotus”, I had no idea what it meant until I heard the story of how the Lotus flowers […]
It’s that time of year when all the magazines and posts on social media talk about “Be Who You Want To Be”, “Now Is Your Time to Shine, “This is YOUR Breakout Year, ”and the list goes on. I would read these articles about making lofty goals, being the best me, making a million dollars, […]
It was a cold, rainy and dreary day in San Francisco. The weather outside matched exactly how I felt on the inside, miserable. I was at an emotional, physical and spiritual rock bottom and I saw no end to this state of being in sight. I was hopeless and seemingly powerless to the life I […]
Today I received an email from someone who had read my article “Don’t Let Anyone Or Anything Dim Your Inner Light” on TinyBuddha.Com: Courtney, I want to thank you for the article. For the last few years I feel as though I lost my light. Almost as though I no longer have a soul. I’ve been trying […]
Powerless at the Ocean.. Tonight I decided to take a solo trip out to Santa Cruz and stay at a hotel room on the beach to find out where I am at my deepest emotional level. The beach is where I am reminded that I am powerless over a lot of things in my life […]
Happiness, Love and Light 