The other night when I was going to bed, I told my fiancee that I was not sure I could “do another day like today.” He quickly asked me what I meant when i said that and I had to run away because I wasn’t brave enough to say it out loud….I can’t take pain like […]
Yesterday she came to visit and as always, she was not invited. She was, as usual, ruthless and relentless with her words telling you that you will never get better and for some reason yesterday you actually believed her. She reminded you like she always does, that she hates you and has gotten to the […]
One would think after so many years of weathering the storm of depression it would become less scary to fall into the deep, dark abyss….but it’s not. When the lows last for more than a couple days, the pain becomes so debilitating and heavy you fear that it’s never going to go away. You look outside at […]
It’s that time of year when all the magazines and posts on social media talk about “Be Who You Want To Be”, “Now Is Your Time to Shine, “This is YOUR Breakout Year, ”and the list goes on. I would read these articles about making lofty goals, being the best me, making a million dollars, […]
Today I received an email from someone who had read my article “Don’t Let Anyone Or Anything Dim Your Inner Light” on TinyBuddha.Com: Courtney, I want to thank you for the article. For the last few years I feel as though I lost my light. Almost as though I no longer have a soul. I’ve been trying […]
Powerless at the Ocean.. Tonight I decided to take a solo trip out to Santa Cruz and stay at a hotel room on the beach to find out where I am at my deepest emotional level. The beach is where I am reminded that I am powerless over a lot of things in my life […]
It happened again. I fell down that same familiar dark hole and there was no light in sight. It was one of those days where the pain is so intense it sears through my heart, into my chest, down to my stomach and my body becomes numb with fear. I have been here before but […]
This week is Mental Illness Awareness Week and I came across this quote today which made me feel compelled to write. It reminds me that even though my world feels dark, scary and lonely when my depression comes on, that does not mean there is not something beautiful and light still present in my heart. When my mind […]
This morning I came across and old picture from when I was around 7 years old and for some reason it made my heart hurt. I miss that girl that I used to be. That photo of me was taken when life felt so easy and the sun coming up in the morning meant new […]
I feel like I have this whole entire part of myself, 90% if I am being completely honest, that the world has never been exposed to. If I told you about the thoughts, the deep, dark, dreadful thoughts that can run through my head on any given day; I think those who have never suffered […]
Happiness, Love and Light 