It’s my voice but it is never kind to me. They are my thoughts but they never support me. All is dark, I am trapped, my body no longer moves the way it normally does. I have tunnel vision and the tunnel is very dark and very scary. I lose my ability to feel […]
Sometimes it feels as though I make incredible progress with my dark emotions and past wounds and then all of a sudden I fall right back to what feels like my very first time dealing with my depression. Feeling disconnected from self is hard to explain. I feel no connection to my life around me, everything seems difficult […]
I finally heard it. The exact words that describe what happened to me when I was a little girl. “My spirit got broken.” When I heard someone say those words the other day, a whole new world of pain opened up for me when I realized that it was exactly it, the perfect description to […]
(A Letter I Wish I Received To Warn Me About My Depression) Dear Courtney, I know right now life seems easy and you enjoy your life, but I need to let you know that you need to prepare for a big and dark storm that is coming your way at the age of 18. Please […]
The other night when I was going to bed, I told my fiancee that I was not sure I could “do another day like today.” He quickly asked me what I meant when i said that and I had to run away because I wasn’t brave enough to say it out loud….I can’t take pain like […]
Yesterday she came to visit and as always, she was not invited. She was, as usual, ruthless and relentless with her words telling you that you will never get better and for some reason yesterday you actually believed her. She reminded you like she always does, that she hates you and has gotten to the […]
One would think after so many years of weathering the storm of depression it would become less scary to fall into the deep, dark abyss….but it’s not. When the lows last for more than a couple days, the pain becomes so debilitating and heavy you fear that it’s never going to go away. You look outside at […]
This morning I came across and old picture from when I was around 7 years old and for some reason it made my heart hurt. I miss that girl that I used to be. That photo of me was taken when life felt so easy and the sun coming up in the morning meant new […]
I once told a friend of mine I was broken. To me broken meant I was broken hearted, defeated, had a jaded soul and I had no hope. I had fallen to pieces and I needed to pick them up one by one in order to be whole again. One day my friend referenced my […]
Happiness, Love and Light 