I finally heard it. The exact words that describe what happened to me when I was a little girl. “My spirit got broken.” When I heard someone say those words the other day, a whole new world of pain opened up for me when I realized that it was exactly it, the perfect description to […]
(A Letter I Wish I Received To Warn Me About My Depression) Dear Courtney, I know right now life seems easy and you enjoy your life, but I need to let you know that you need to prepare for a big and dark storm that is coming your way at the age of 18. Please […]
The other night when I was going to bed, I told my fiancee that I was not sure I could “do another day like today.” He quickly asked me what I meant when i said that and I had to run away because I wasn’t brave enough to say it out loud….I can’t take pain like […]
Yesterday she came to visit and as always, she was not invited. She was, as usual, ruthless and relentless with her words telling you that you will never get better and for some reason yesterday you actually believed her. She reminded you like she always does, that she hates you and has gotten to the […]
One would think after so many years of weathering the storm of depression it would become less scary to fall into the deep, dark abyss….but it’s not. When the lows last for more than a couple days, the pain becomes so debilitating and heavy you fear that it’s never going to go away. You look outside at […]
I have always been drawn to the Lotus Flower. The brightness, the clarity of it’s edges, the warmth and it’s flawless beauty, it’s always ‘spoken’ to my heart. When I first saw the quote, “No Mud, No Lotus”, I had no idea what it meant until I heard the story of how the Lotus flowers […]
Today my depression reared it’s ugly head and all I wanted to do was disappear. It was one of those days where my brain turned on me and an ugly truth came to the surface. The downward spiral came around quick much like a torrential rainfall that turns into a terrible storm. I couldn’t move. […]
It’s that time of year when all the magazines and posts on social media talk about “Be Who You Want To Be”, “Now Is Your Time to Shine, “This is YOUR Breakout Year, ”and the list goes on. I would read these articles about making lofty goals, being the best me, making a million dollars, […]
It was a cold, rainy and dreary day in San Francisco. The weather outside matched exactly how I felt on the inside, miserable. I was at an emotional, physical and spiritual rock bottom and I saw no end to this state of being in sight. I was hopeless and seemingly powerless to the life I […]
This week is Mental Illness Awareness Week and I came across this quote today which made me feel compelled to write. It reminds me that even though my world feels dark, scary and lonely when my depression comes on, that does not mean there is not something beautiful and light still present in my heart. When my mind […]
Happiness, Love and Light 