It’s my voice but it is never kind to me.
They are my thoughts but they never support me.
All is dark, I am trapped, my body no longer moves the way it normally does.
I have tunnel vision and the tunnel is very dark and very scary.
I lose my ability to feel love, I can comprehend what it means but I can’t touch it or feel it.
Small things feel like enormous things and tucking away in isolation feels like the safest thing I can do.
Others tell me to reach out for help, but every fiber of my being is telling me not to, that no one can help me, it’s me, alone and this fight is a solo one.
Retreating from the world I find solace in my isolation, there no one can reach me, talk to me or try to make me show up for my life that I desperately need to hide from.
The fear is very real, I can tell myself clichés but the words and my feelings can’t seem to connect.
There is a circuit shortage in my brain and main disconnect is between my brain, my heart and my soul.
I can recall that I have so many amazing things to live for, but they seem very distant and unreal.
I am in this space again and I am not sure how long it will take to be over.
But it will end because it always does.
“Just hold on….”Just hold on sweet girl, you’ve got this”