I once told a friend of mine I was broken.
To me broken meant I was broken hearted, defeated, had a jaded soul and I had no hope. I had fallen to pieces and I needed to pick them up one by one in order to be whole again.
One day my friend referenced my comment about me being broken and I had an almost defensive feeling inside because I realized that saying I was broken was not it at all; I was just “under spiritual construction.”
This made me feel less hopeless and made me realize that making the necessary changes and taking action to heal would be much easier than “picking up the pieces.”
What does this term mean? “Under spiritual construction?” Why does it take the weight off of my heart to know I am not broken?
When I think of a new home being under construction I know they have to lay the foundation first that this is the most important part because the foundation is what holds up the entire house.
I need to rebuild a foundation for myself because I never truly had one that was strong enough to hold up to all of life’s trials and challenges. My foundation was made up of what other people thought of me and how I could please other people so that they would be ok. I depended on people to love me and show me I was worth it. My friends and men became my Higher Power and I eventually crumbled. I saw that the more I looked for validation outside of myself, the less I could handle my life and so I self destructed.
So now that I am aware of this issue, I get to have a fresh start. I know what needs to be built first. I need a solid foundation consisting of self love, respect and Faith that I am going to be o.k no matter what comes my way. When I become whole I will be able to love others and not expect anyone to fix me or make me feel worthy.
I am not going to worry if this process ever ends because this could definitely be a lifelong journey for me.
There are definitely hard days when I feel like I am on shaky ground and all my fears come rushing back to me; but then I remember I am in the process of rebuilding my foundation and the more challenges life throws my way, the stronger I will be.